Why Women Go to the Toilet in Groups

This question has engaged the attention of “Man”-kind for ages but the endless speculation hasn’t provided a constructive conclusion, yet.

Rather than merely conjecturing like most members of my genus, I am taking a step forward. Rather than merely putting-up lame, one-liner jokes as to why women visit the restroom in groups; I will systematically dissect and reason-out every possible theory. The attempt here is to provide some degree of closure to this question that continues to baffle logic and scientific reasoning. If I am successful, I believe that despite my humble qualifications, I would have promoted myself to the league of top-notch Human Behavior Experts and Evolutionary Biologists. If not, I really don’t have much to lose, so here I go with my analysis:

Blame it on Evolution—Just Want to Show Guys They Are Different

This point establishes my highly developed scientific mind—just ponder for a second and think, how come men and women seem to do everything different? This is something that has been established over a long period of evolutionary changes. I believe that during the development of Early Man (and Women), millions of years ago, the Neanderthal, Cro-Magnon or some form of the Early Man had women doing things opposite to men, intentionally. You see, at that time, the human brain wasn’t very

developed. Thus, the thinking patterns and actions of men and women at that time weren’t the most impressive. With their semi-developed brain during the Iron Age, or a bit before that, women started going to their forested bathrooms in groups just because they noticed that men would go alone!

They Need Help—It is Group Therapy Time

The toilet-centric groupie habit of women can be best interpreted as something akin to Group Therapy. For those who don’t know this psychiatric tool, Group Therapy is when a few individuals are called upon to talk about their problems, confess to each

other and vent their anger. This is among the most potent of Behavior Management Methods. It is a scientifically-established fact that women tend to think too much, worry excessively and have a relentless urge to know about problems of others. I believe, with the amount of unnecessary clutter that occupies the female mind, they need a constant form of psychological fine-tuning. Thus, visiting the toilet stalls in groups and blurting-out everything and anything is their form of Group Therapy, helping them to be a bit saner.

Don’t Blame It on Them—It is Hormonal

Among the most widely-acknowledged facts about women, one tends to surface as the absolute unchallenged reality—actions of women are ruled by their Hormones and not their brains. We have all suffered the mood swings of our mothers, sisters, girlfriends, wives, female colleagues and many other forms in which the female kind forms a part of our lives. If you ask Gynecologists, the Menstrual Cycle isn't the easiest puzzle to solve. For starters, it tends to vary across nearly every woman. The repercussions of the slightest delay, change in frequency or any related symptoms, can mean a whole lot in terms of diagnostic information. Considering that women need to overcome this menstrual challenge so often, is it really surprising that they need to seek each other’s expertise when visiting the loo?

They Suffer From Biological Bias—Just Too Much Going On There!

This point will be easily understood and will get a lot of nodding heads—God has been slightly unkind and biased when configuring the female anatomy. Just look at what guys need to do when they need to empty their bladders—it is basically Stand

& Deliver. Yes, there is the customary shake-down to ensure that any liquid traces don’t make it back to the confines of the jocks but overall, it is rather simple. At the most, a couple of guys might talk about some sort of rash or having pulled back their foreskin during their latest bedroom adventure. Compare this to the kind of things a woman has to deal with. I am not talking just about tampons here but the entire range of pads, birth control stuff, thongs, pantiliners and God knows what other inventions and contraptions. The point is that women just need more time, space and group advice to handle such complicated stuff.

Need To Steal Some Babbling Time

This point is probably going to get some arguments but I think every lady will have to admit that by nature, they are gossip-mongers. Leave apart the minority that actually talks less, the rest are born with a system that needs a fuel of constant conversation, no matter how meaningless it might be. So at workplaces, the washroom serves as the perfect place to steal some gossiping time. No boss can object to it. No Human Resources Management Tool can find out whether the bathroom time is being used “sincerely”.

Some are Psychotic, Like Monica from “FRIENDS”

Those who have watched Monica (played by Courtney Cox), would instantly realize what I am referring to—Monica’s character is essentially suffering from a kind of OCD. This refers to Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. What is the most common symptom of OCD? It is a tendency to repeatedly clean something. Most OCD patients will try to find spaces that tend to remain filthy and clean them repeatedly and most OCD patients are women! So, there is every chance that many of them are huddled together in the bathroom, cleaning every nook and crevice to vent-out their negative, sorry, psychotic tendencies.

Are Afraid of Being Attacked by the Toilet Demon

This might sound childish but none of the reasons listed above make universal sense. Yes, the points listed above are based upon decades of my scientific research, but they are not applicable to every group of women that visits the bathroom in flocks. Thus, there could be just one other reason that answers this mysterious question—there is a Toilet Demon, so horrific and sadistic that it can only be defeated by groups of women! My decade-long research has established that the Toilet Demon has two, major weaknesses—apart from these, it is pretty much undefeatable. Firstly, it cannot withstand human beings obsessed with putting things on their face and secondly, it is highly susceptible to idle talk. Thus, only groups of women, armed with their cosmetics, gossip-ridden brains and incessant chatter can defeat it!

Please acknowledge my effort here as sincere, methodical, scientific and logical. Any pun that may have arisen was purely coincidental and doesn’t undermine the seriousness of my endeavor.